I’ve never been good at journaling. Personal writing is a roadblock for me — always has been. I’m too critical, too embarrassed to lay bare whole scenes of my life on paper. Maybe it’s my tendency toward melodramatics, or my over-expectation of my own literary abilities, but I rarely feel that what I write is good enough or accurate enough. Whenever I string together more than a couple of meaningful sentences, my immediate reaction is to crumple the paper and tuck it away in the safety of a garbage pail.
But so many memories are wasted by this fear, lost to this fear that does little but preserve some of my own machismo (femismo?). And I’m kind of tired of that. But does that fatigue translate into a sudden ability to sit at a pad of paper and write out my deepest thoughts? Heck no! I’ve been working on this for 45 minutes! However it did get me thinking about goals, and more importantly about knowing and recognizing my own limitations and finding ways to work with them instead of setting myself up for failure. Dreaming big is one thing (and a very good thing), but thinking I can run a marathon and actually running it are not one in the same.
I’m at the bottom of the canyon, my ultimate goal is at the top. Oh, and there’s no trail. Oh, and I can’t climb rocks. So break it down. Build a ladder to climb the cliff.
My first ladder? That book up there (which is available at one of the deadliest of stores: Paper Source – One Line A Day Journal). I’m starting small with one line a day. I can do one line.
What’s your ladder?
February Goals (December holdovers in italics):
- Write my one line a day
- Do something touristy and fun in San Francisco with Glen
- Blog one back session per week
- Finish unpacking all remaining boxes (or, find a better place to hide them ;)
- Make bagels from scratch (inspired by Kathryn)
- Plant my herb garden
- Find a solution for our bed (which is currently and unaccetably a mattress on the floor, and I am neither a college student nor a teenage boy — no offense to either)
- End o’ the year accounting — Appointment with my bookkeeper is next week!
- Shoot a little film this month — My film camera accidentally got packed! The battery is also dead, apparently.
- Update my winter wardrobe — At this point, more than anything else this means, “convince myself to spend some money on new clothes.” Also, it’s at least 60º here every day. “Winter” is a misnomer. Not that I’m complaining. :)
- Take new photos of Glen and myself
Completed December Goals:
- Finish Christmas shopping within the first week
- Institute a new email organization system (well, it’s more just an improvement on the current setup)
- Cook Glen Brussels Sprouts (He asked for them! I think I’ll try this recipe.)
- Speaking of cooking… start to eat down all the food in our cupboards (to avoid trashing or moving it) — Get ready for some weird dinners!
- Sell some stuff and throw some junk away so we don’t have to move it!
- MOVE
- Set up our new banking when we get to California
- Throw our “Bon Voyage Connecticut” party
- Celebrate Hanukkah with lovely friends before we leave
- Celebrate Christmas with my family once we arrive (this is Glen’s first not-with-his-family Christmas, so it must be great!)
- Organize my paperwork (ugh) — Can you tell I’m STILL avoiding this one?
by Molly
2 comments